I, Durfbot.

A couple of years ago when I, somewhat reluctantly, became retired, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. The pay is horrible, but I really like being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I did not experience a loss of identity, as I had when I was unemployed for several months in 1980. I could spend hours reading newspapers, then more hours flicking away the day. My failure to produce anything useful did cause some guilt, but I was raised Catholic, so I'm used to that.

I wasn't surprised that I didn't write a novel or create a best-selling iPhone application. Throughout my life I've worked hard for others, but have almost zero personal ambition. I am content to absorb whatever knowledge and pleasure flows my way.

The NuSTAR job was a wonderful experience. Twila and I had a great time, and both of us fell in love with New York City. Getting up in the wee hours and working six days a week was kind of annoying, but it wiped away any guilt I might have felt by goofing off the rest of the time. Not to mention that I was making more money than I'll probably ever make again, or at least until I finish that iPhone app.

Alas, all good things must come to an end (as must all bad things). The time passed quickly, and in a seeming flash it was time to return home to Colorado. That was fine with me. As a bobbing apple on the sea of life, I am used to change. But, there was work to be done. Twila was already in Loveland, so it was up to me to pack the rest of our stuff and get it home. That's when robot mode started.

If I *have* to do something, I just do it. It began gradually and accelerated as the deadline neared. I packed 22 boxes and took them to UPS.

Maybe I need to say something about that. Twenty-two boxes is a lot, but Twila and I weren't able to carry much to NY. Instead, we bought what we needed when we arrived. Before she left NY, Twila shipped back about 6 boxes, including a lot of items related to her business. I shipped many more boxes for two reasons. One is that I had to ship the household items that we shared. The other is that I bought more things in NY. After all, I was making money, and what is money for?

You all know what moving is like. To sum it up, "no fun". As the days wore on, I wandered around our apartment zombie-like, stuffing boxes and cleaning and absolutely determined to do a good job.

That lasted until Twila arrived to drive home with me, and even into the next morning. Then we were on the road. It was as fun a trip back as a non-recreational driving trip can be. But driving up to 10 hours a day for 3 consecutive days is tiring and not without stress. Blessedly, at last we were home.

Then there was the initial unloading of the car and unpacking of boxes and suitcases. After that there were the 4 boxes that I'd shipped first. On Tuesday 10 more boxes arrived (many of them squished and ripped). And today the final 8 boxes appeared.

In addition to the unpacking and trying to figure out where to put everything, I had to register my car, reinstall computer equipment, take care of house maintenance issues, and all the other things that had piled up. I think it will be a couple of weeks, at least, before I can return to my life of useless idleness.

In the meantime, I am a robot. I don't even think about how much I have to do, I just do it. I go from task to task in a semi-trance, almost numb to the exhaustion that's built up over the last few weeks. New hassles don't bother me, they just get put on the pile. I have become a machine.