Skinny jeans.

One of the fun parts of being in The City is seeing all the people here. Oh, right, The City.

Everyone who has ever been there knows that The City is San Francisco. Always has been, always will be, unless it's on the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, someday. Even then, maybe. But every area has its own "The City", and when Twila and I moved to Colorado, it was Denver. You might have an incomplete idea of how big a step down that was, but trust me, it was. Now we're in NY, and The City is Manhattan. Manhattan isn't San Francisco, by any means, but calling it "The City" isn't entirely stupid, so "YEE HAW!" and "YAH HOO!" ACK, I digress.

Anyway, there are SO many people in this The City that you become kind of anonymous, which is sweet. And the people are from all over - sometimes it seems that 75% of them are tourists (unlike us, of course). So there is always a lot to look at, and most people don't even realize or care that you're looking at them.

Even though I think guys are just fine as people, I tend to look at women. Heck, who doesn't? Women wear all kinds of clothing styles, of course, sometimes dresses and sometimes other stuff and sometimes jeans, so I notice that, too. And what I've noticed since being here is that nearly all of the women who are wearing jeans are wearing the kind that look like they were painted on their legs. I remarked to Twila about that, and she said, "Right. Skinny jeans. They're really in right now."

Skinny jeans. What a concept.

Then I thought that maybe I should try to get in on that deal. I spent a lot of my life running and biking and things, and women have told me that I have great legs. Wouldn't they look even better in these skinny jeans?

So I went on Amazon and tooted, "skinny jeans for men". Somewhat to my surprise, Amazon had them, and I was like, "Yeah!" So I ordered a pair.

The reason I'm mentioning all of this now, I suppose, is that I just got home from work and have a couple of hours before the Niners humiliate the Rams, and returning various unsuccessful experiments is at the top of my "Are You EVER Going To Do This?" list. The skinny jeans are on the floor next to my desk, which is some kind of progress. But again I digress.

What happened was that the skinny jeans for men arrived, so I put them on to show Twila how hot I would look with them on. Getting them on wasn't all that easy, though. You've seen clips of women pulling jeans on, hopping up and down and tugging like crazy. Well, that was me. I finally did get them on, and when Twila was able to get the tears wiped out of her eyes, she said, "They look like girl jeans."

That didn't really bother me. I knew they weren't girl jeans, they were studly guy jeans, and they did show my leg muscles in a way that would repel men and attract women - the perfect combination. The problem was that I was absolutely certain that the slightest attempt to bend over or sit down would result in catastrophic rupture of the jeans, with my compressed body parts violently expanding in a less than attractive way.

I didn't test that, BTW.