What she said... NOT!

A couple of days ago Twila wrote that she loves being in New York because of "gallery openings, poetry readings, nature hikes, museum tours, films, theater productions and a festival or two." Well, personally I just adore it when pansies are in bloom and... WRONG! The truth is I'm more like, "The flowers are great, honey, can we get a beer somewhere around here?" I can't tell a pansy from a petunia, and I'm not sure I've ever seen either in my entire life. Because, let's face it, I'm a guy and my mind is too busy with important things to think about poetry readings and all that. My brain is mostly focused on:

1) Sex.

2) Drinking.

3) Sports.

About 95% if that is directed to Item #1. Because that's what guys think about, even if... well, as Willie Nelson put it on the occasion of his 75th birthday, "I've outlived my pecker."

I should interject here that I do not fantasize about doing the horizontal hula with anyone, because I am very happily married to the best person in the universe. But I do enjoy looking at attractive women. Twila doesn't mind that at all, she even points them out to me. In return, I try not to embarrass her by drooling.

Heck, even women love looking at women, but for them it's a little different. They're more likely to think things like:

1) I wonder if I could wear that top (girl code for "shirt").

2) Yikes, she looks totally anorexic.

3) OH! MY! GOD! (Translation: "There is no way I could wear that top!")

Here's an example of what I mean about looking at women. A couple of weeks ago I was walking through Times Square at rush hour on a Friday, on my way to meet Twila at a restaurant. It's difficult to describe how packed it was with people, but imagine being inside a busy anthill. At traffic lights the backups on the sidewalks went as long as a third of a block, even though people paid scant attention to most lights.

Anyway, I was muddling along, looking at women, when I suddenly realized that probably everyone else was thinking about sex, too. I mean, being Friday evening and all. Some were surely thinking about meeting someone new, others about hooking up with spouses or friends, and others just having winsome dreams. No wonder New York City is so crowded!